Should I Bring Presents When Meeting Bf Family for Chinese New Year

Kelley asks:

I started instruction English language in China this past fall, and met a wonderful Chinese human. I never expected to take a Chinese boyfriend, or expected information technology so soon! But we've been dating since October, and are very much in love.

However, I am really starting to freak out because he asked me to spend Chinese New Year at his parents home. I am so concerned about meeting his parents. I know family unit is a really big deal in China, and it seems that if they don't like me, my boyfriend and I don't take a future. I really need to impress them! I've only started learning Mandarin, so I'm barely proficient, only I gauge a footling is meliorate than none at all.

I'm definitely going to bring gifts (cheers so much for the nifty suggestions!).

Just I was wondering what other communication you might have — specifically, what should I practise to make the visit go smoothly? I actually could employ some assist! Thanks!
—–

Beginning of all, congratulations on finding a wonderful man to date! I wish the both of you lot a wonderful human relationship.

I can empathise your concerns. Not long ago, I too faced a Chinese New year's day visit with the family of my then-Chinese boyfriend (now husband). I had never met them before, and all I knew of his parents was they had said it was okay to date a strange girl, just not marry her. Not exactly what you'd phone call the ground for good start impressions.

But, I eventually charmed them, and married him.

Ane thing that might help to remember is this — In general, Ch inese don't date casually. They date with the intent to marry. Yous've been together for more than three months, and he'south taking you home to run across the parents — all good signs.

Every Chinese family, patently, will be different, and react differently to yous — then I can't guarantee wedlock for you also. Just at that place are some things you tin practice to ameliorate your chances of making a smashing first impression:

• Gifts are a must for the family, as you already know. Information technology's the all-time way to create goodwill from the first "Ni Hao" (after all, Chinese people tend to prove their feelings through indirect means, such every bit gifts, so it's a language they understand). I'd follow the gift-giving suggestions I've laid out, leaning towards vitamins for his parents and grandparents. Find out what other relatives will be present and bring something for them, besides. And don't forget the "emergency gifts" (you know, for the unexpected friends or relatives). Since you lot're based in Red china, I'd recommend local specialty products (not bad if his hometown is outside of where y'all currently live), nice tea, or Western-fashion pastries as emergency gifts.
• Avoid physical contact with your Chinese boyfriend in front of his family. I've never seen my husband'south family members hug, kiss or even hold hands in forepart of us. Additionally, information technology will only reinforce the unfortunate stereotype that all Western women are "easy" or "seductresses."
• Defer to his family, especially the elders. Chinese families prize filial beliefs and deference to elders. That means being more passive — let his family "set the schedule" and exist in charge. Don't worry, you won't be "hostage." If anything, you lot'll have a lot of free time, because it is Chinese New year's day (a vacation that, equally Peter Hessler one time wrote, seems to be built around watching lots of television). But if they plan meals or have outings or other activities, proceed and be a good guest (such as, being the last to sit down at the table). Avert complaining in public, even nigh annoyances like smoking (attempt, instead, to resolve issues with the assist of your boyfriend). They will appreciate y'all for this.
• Bring photos to share. They're a bang-up style to "break the water ice" with his family and make a personal connection. Things were pretty tense that get-go Chinese New year I spent with my Chinese husband — merely when I brought out the photos of my family and vacations, suddenly his parents began talking with me. It was a real turning point.
• Don't talk almost your human relationship with his family, unless they ask you. I doubt they will — dear is still an embarrassing, highly personal topic in China.
• Don't talk about where you might alive in the future. I'm assuming your Chinese young man is an only child. If he is, his parents might worry that a strange girl will accept him away from China — leaving nobody to care for them in old age. If anyone presses you nigh staying indefinitely in China, just give a vague, noncommittal answer, such as "that's interesting."
• Bring a squeamish, new outfit to article of clothing. In Chinese New year, everyone wears new vesture on the beginning mean solar day of the new year for good luck — so why not accept the opportunity to print your potential inlaws? When I first "met the parents," I had a Tang-dynasty fashion jacket and skirt tailor-fabricated merely for the occasion. Of course, information technology was freezing and I merely wore information technology part of the Chinese New Twelvemonth's day. Simply information technology left a lasting impression. Now, whether it was the wear, or how fast I changed out of it, I'll never know. 😉

Good luck, Kelley — hope the year of the Tiger will be auspicious for you, especially in beloved!

P.S.: While this is written for a adult female with a Chinese boyfriend, it essentially applies to men with a Chinese girlfriend. Men, your boosted problem will exist pressure level to drink alcohol or smoke at the table, especially the alcohol. Fifty-fifty though Chinese see drinking and smoking equally a way of expressing friendship or building relationships, you won't offend anyone if you decline. However, you may need to pass up strongly, because Chinese can be pretty heavy-handed (and, sometimes, even sneaky) well-nigh getting alcohol into your drinking glass.

Do yous have a question about dating, wedlock and family unit in Mainland china (or in Chinese culture)? Every Friday, I’ll choose one question and reply it on my blog. Transport me your question today.

clarkdrodste1948.blogspot.com

Source: https://www.speakingofchina.com/ask-the-yangxifu/impress-chinese-boyfriend-girlfriend-parents-chinese-new-year/

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